Tag Archives: homosexual

A Rant About The Woes Of Being Home

I am so stressed out that last night I had a fever and this morning I have an upset stomach. I’m so stressed out I’m hiding in bathrooms and closets, sucking on my electronic cig for a nicotine hit so much I’m getting a nicotine headache. And why am I so stressed out, you might ask?

Because I’m back at my childhood home. And back to sleeping on the couch because the room I’ve slept in for 20 years is currently occupied by my 34-year-old half-brother. And apparently, I’m in deep shit with my parents.

I’m 20. I’m trying to find a job where my girlfriend lives (and where I go to college). I’m trying to break all financial ties with my parents in order to have more freedom. I’m trying to live my own life without having to answer to my parents for every little decision I make like I’m 15.

Being 20 is hard. On one hand, you’re two years into the adult world. Ergo, you should be acting like an adult. But you’re still young, so you make mistakes. This is something my parents don’t understand.

The following is how my parents believe a 20-year-old should be living:

  • Going to school (okay, got that down)
  • Doesn’t need a job – can be supported by parents (how am I going to eat or afford gas or buy cute clothes if I don’t have a job?!)
  • Can be supported by parent’s because lives at home or lives away from home but is at parent’s beck and call (….fuck that shit!)

And my parents wonder why in world I don’t want to live at home. Again, another list, to help break it down for you bitches:

  • My homophobic, cynical Grandma Adolf (enough said)
  • All of my brother’s shit in my room so it doesn’t even appear to be my room
  • Sleeping in the living room, on either the couch or the air mattress, while my brother sleeps and then moving back into “my” room when he leaves for work at 7am, only to have to move all my stuff back out of his room before he gets home at night
  • Having absolutely no privacy
  • The inability to have even have a phone conversation because there is no place to go where no one will overhear you (my house is so small everyone can hear you)
  • Getting disgusted looks at my new tattoos but everyone just ignores them
  • My brother asking me what I’m going to do with my life (I’m 20, in college, currently taking medical pre-reqs so I can apply for a dental hygiene program in 2013 and trying to become independent. My brother is 34, I have no idea what he does for a living, and has moved back in with his father. And he has the nerve to ask me what I’m doing with my life?!)
  • Feeling like a guest in my own home
  • The inability to talk about Emily, or anything related to homosexuality
  • Having to pretend I’m straight
  • The inability to bring my girlfriend here to visit
  • The inability to talk with my parents because all my mother does is cry and all my father does is threaten me
  • Getting told I’m essentially a financial burden who is destroying my parents’ finances
  • My father blaming me for him prematurely paying back student loans
  • Sleeping until 2 in the afternoon because I have nothing to do/don’t want to converse with anyone here
  • Feeling like visiting my parents is a chore

I don’t want to feel like visiting my parents is this terribly annoying responsibility that I have to do and not want to do, but it does feel like that. I hate coming here, and after reading the aforementioned list, how can anyone wonder why? Are my parents that completely oblivious?

I know that maybe I should try to talk to them more about how I feel, but it’s so hard when my mother just starts sobbing and “has to leave” and my father just sits there and tries to be intimidating by threatening me and telling me how I should do things and how I’m going to do them “his way from now on”. Like, can’t we just have a normal conversation?!

There are two very good parenting philosophies that I know I will want to raise my children by, and I can tell you that my parents didn’t get the memo on these:

  • Remember, you aren’t raising children. You are raising adults. You have to give them the tools and skills necessary to become a functioning member of adult society. Rear accordingly
  • Once your child turns 18, you’re role as a parent changes. You’re done with traditional parenting. You can no longer try to dictate your adult child’s life. You have to take a back seat and act as a guidance counselor – when they come to you for advice, give it. You can try to guide them through life, but know that it is ultimately their decision now. You no longer have a commanding say

My parents either forgot about those or don’t believe in them. But I can tell you one thing, they definitely created a socially inept adult. When I was a kid, they never forced me to make friends. Every sport I tried, if I felt like quitting (even if I liked the sport) they let me quit. They never forced me to get a job in high school. They never forced me to learn how to drive (I didn’t start really driving until I was 19). They never forced me to do, well, anything because I was a golden child. Throughout my teenage years I never rebelled. I always did what they said. Why? Because back then my parents were predictable. I would acquiesce to their request without much fuss because I knew then later on I could so easily get my way. It isn’t like that now.

Now, at 20, they are trying to crack the whip. But they are a little late for that.

What I hate most is that they think I’ve changed. They’ve sheltered me for most of my life and then decide to send me away to college. Like I’m not about to freak out, right? So I’ve experienced things I’ve never have to deal with before. It’s made me a stronger person. They have no idea the shit I’ve gone through while I’ve been away and they have the nerve to judge me. But it’s not like I can tell them what I’ve gone through, either. And then they tell me that my coming out was a shock to them, and yet my best friend for like 14 years figured out way before I ever did (I’m talking like six or seven years ago). How could my parents not have known?! Was their religion blinding them, or were they convinced it’ll never happen to them?

The worst part: everyone acts like it is all my fault. How come I don’t feel that same way?

I’m just so fed up right now that when I do sit down and talk to my parents, it might all be over. I might lose my car. I might have to have my friend come pick me up and I’ll have to wait at her house for my girlfriend to drive almost three hours to come rescue me. I might not talk to my parents after this for a very long time. This might end disastrously.

Why does life have to be so fucking difficult sometimes?! I feel the fever creeping back up again.

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Lesbian Terminology – “Pillow Queen”

Pillow Queen

A noun or an adjective (or a noun as an adjective…I hate grammar)

1. A lesbian who likes to receive sex but not reciprocate

2. A lesbian who enjoys receiving sex…a lot.

Example: My girlfriend is such a pillow queen! I can never get any.

 

Clarification is needed. It is common knowledge (to the general population) that there is a general separation between lesbians (femme and butches – however, us lesbians know there is a more complex way to categorize a lesbian). A pillow queen isn’t necessarily the more feminine lesbian. Anyone (including you hetero folks!) can be a pillow queen. Like getting sexed but hate giving it? You’re a pillow queen. Want your partner to do all the work and not return the favor? Well, aren’t we a pretty pillow queen! Can also be described as “selfishness”.

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Why Being Hit On By A Woman Is Different Than Being Hit On By A Man

And, in my opinion, a thousand times better. But that’s just me.

So after consulting Emily on this, I have decided to share with you our reasons for this conclusion.

For me, and for Emily, being hit on by men leaves us feeling scummy. Often, we have the unfortunate luck of getting hit on by the creepiest men ever. I do not know why this is. Murphy’s fucking law? For us, being hit on by a woman is a much more pleasant experience.

I’d like to point out here that not every guy who will hit on a woman is a slime ball, and not every lesbian who hits on a woman is the epitome of chivalry. These conclusions are based on personal experiences.

Men who have hit on me do the creepiest things alone with a “pick up line”. I’ve had a worker at a Dunkin Donuts that I frequented after the evening shift at work tell me that when I come in is his “favorite time of night,” and then proceed to stare at me the whole time I was in there. I’ve had another Dunkin Donuts worker (at a different DD) hold my hand after giving me change at the drive through window and tell me I was lucky for only getting charged for one coffee. He even stroked my hand. Other times have included getting suddenly ass-raped at a frat party while I was clearly dancing with my girlfriend and being told I in a every sexual manner by the fry cook at my first college that I was welcome to all the pancakes he had.

Emily works in a hospital and is constantly getting hit on by men at work. Here would be a good time to insert a physical description of us both. I’m 5’2, brunette gone red-head, and femme. This means I’m always wearing makeup and I always try to look nice. Emily is 5’5, brunette, and butch. This means she has a short haircut and her attire leans more towards the masculine side (although she does wear dresses on occasions, and not against her will, I might add), and covered in tattoos. But at work she is in scrubs. Yet clearly giving off a lesbian vibe does not deter men. On the contrary, they actually try harder. She’s been told that she’s “a beautiful white woman”, is constantly being asked for her phone number, and even had a man offer to pay her cell phone bill for her!

We have both been hit on by women, as well. So we have come up with a few major differences between the two.

1. Brazenness

Men and women have different degrees of brazenness. Men are brazen because they are more likely say things like “Hey, how you doing sexy lady?” to a complete stranger walking down the street. A woman’s approach is usually more along the lines of “Hey, I don’t know if you’re gay or not, but I was justing wondering if you’d like to hang out sometime.” I’m not saying this is true for all scenarios, but of all the ones I’ve encountered, this has been the case.

2. They way you say it

Men, along with their brazenness, hit on woman with a tone that suggests ‘while yes, you are an attractive woman, I notice your attractiveness not because I want to revel in your beauty but because I want your ass naked in my bed’.

Lesbians often times hit on woman for the same reasons, but use a completely different tone. Ever heard the saying a woman knows what a woman wants?  How about a woman knows what other women want? It’s true that lesbians, being women, understand how they would want to be hit on. So they apply that tact to the women they hit on. Their tone suggests ‘wow, I think you’re beautiful and I’m going to tell you that but not because I want to get into your pants, but because I want to revel in your beauty and make you feel wonderful‘. Lesbians, understand the need to feel special, often times will hit on women with this in mind, making the women they hit on feel special.

Now, many of you may disagree with me. I’m telling you this is based off of our experiences. The men who have hit on us have used the mentioned tone, and the women who have hit on us have used a completely different tone. This isn’t always the case, though.

3. The meaning behind the words.

As stated earlier, many times when a man makes their move the women they hit on can fully comprehend their reasonings behind their actions. Sex. More often I have encountered men who’s pick up lines and attitude while hitting on me have been completely sexual in nature. You just get this vibe that everything they are saying is just to get you naked.

Hey, guess what? If a lesbian is hitting on you, she probably wants your ass naked in her bed as well. However, lesbians are able to hide these motives behind SINCERE words. We, women, try to be more honest when hitting on other women. We don’t like feeling like a piece of meat, so why would we treat prospective mates as such? Just because we may only want a one night stand doesn’t mean we’re gonna treat you purely as a sex object. There is a lot of listening to your problems and all the shit.

This has a lot to due with sex. Heterosexual sex involved two people, one person giving and one person receiving, and it happens at the same time. Both people involved in the act are trying to achieve the same goal at the same exact time. This can lead to selfishness within the sexual relationship, since pleasuring yourself happens while you pleasure your partner. Hence issues with one person finishing before the other. In homosexual sex, especially lesbian sex, it is a little more difficult for both partners to have simultaneous…completion. The basic mechanics of lesbian sex is you pleasure your partner first, and then you get pleasured. So many lesbians are constantly putting their sex partners first, because in homosexual sex you cannot just think about yourself. There is no selfishness in lesbian sex. Otherwise you’re a pillow queen.

This ultimately leads to a more efficient way to hit on a woman. Lesbians know what to say and how to say it because it’s what they want to be said to them. Make sense?

Again, this isn’t true for all situations. I’m sure there are some perfectly wonderful gentlemen out there. And I’m certain that there are creeping lesbians out there. But after combining Emily’s and mine experiences, we have to say, of all the times we’ve been hit on, we rather be hit on by women than men.

So bitches, if you’re straight and are being hit on by creepy men, maybe it’s the places you’re hanging out. If you want to attract a certain kind of man, then go where that type of man would hang out. And, bitches, if you’re a lesbian, keep on rocking that lesbian swag.

Time to weigh in, bitch scouts. What do ya’ll think? Have your experiences swayed your opinion one way or another? Or do you think we’re down right crazy here at The Lesbian Saga?

 

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