If Every Parent Was Like Sally Field….

We all know who Sally Field is…

She is a beautiful actress, singer, producer and director. Her works include The Flying Nun, Steel Magnolias, Forest Gump, and the tv show Brother’s and Sisters. She is recognizable not only as a talented woman, but a gay icon. But I don’t think anyone knew how important equal rights were to Sally Field until she announced that her youngest son, Sam, was gay.

If every parent was like Sally Field, this world would be a more accepting place. Here’s why:

Sally Field was the recent recipient of the Human Rights Campaign’s Ally for Equality Award. During her acceptance speech, she spoke in eloquence about how proud and how accepting she was of her son. She admonished parents of gay children that do not accept them, and hoped for a better future for LGBTQ rights.

Her words literally moved me to tears. How desperately I wished my own parents accepted me like she accepts her son. How I wished my coming out was a cause for celebration within my family, and not an event filled with tears and anger. How I wished, like Ms. Field, my parents understood my sexuality wasn’t a choice, just a happening of nature. According to Ms. Field, being a parent to a gay child is a blessing.

How I wish all parents could be like Sally Field. And I know I’m not the only one. But now we, the gay community, have another celebrity to look up to. And hopefully her words, and her actions, and the acceptance of her son will help other parents struggling to accept their own children for who they are.

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Lesbian Terminology – “Lone Star Lesbian”

Lone Star Lesbian

noun

1. A lesbian who has only slept (or been with) one woman their whole life.

Ah, the lone star lesbian. A woman who has only been with one other woman…ever!

This concept isn’t a rarity, however. It happens within heterosexual relationships too. High school sweethearts, your first relationship has been your only relationship…there is a lone star within every orientation!

(I am a proud Gold Star/Lone Star!)

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Trepidations About Writing

I always thought it would be so difficult to begin a blog. It took me forever to start one. I had been entertaining the idea ever since high school, but every time I signed up for a free blog space, I sat in front of a blank post, hesitant.

All these thoughts swirled around my head. Self doubt. They all said the same thing: You’re not good enough. My life was too boring to blog about. I had nothing profound to say. I wasn’t going to move mountains or change peoples’ lives. My writing was subpar.

All of these thoughts were poison, keeping me from doing something I so desperately wanted to do. I had fear – fear of rejection, of being mediocre, of failing.

I broke that fear by just writing. I just wrote, posted, and pushed back all the anxiety I was feeling at that time.

And it turned out great! I love blogging. It’s just another creative outlet of mine.

But I do have a secret agenda. I started blogging as a way to unblock my mind.

I am, first and foremost, an author (despite the fact I have no published works). Secondly, I am a blogger.

I have close to 60 stories saved on my computer’s hard drive. I have been carting some of them around with me from computer to computer since middle school. None are completed stories. Some of them are only ideas.

I have this problem. I start a story, but I never finish it. Why? It’s more than just writer’s block. It’s those thoughts – the ones that say I’m not good enough – that keep me from writing. It’s the fear that causes long periods of dry spells.

I get an idea that sparks me, creatively, and I begin to write. If I do not get distracted I can write for hours. But the moment I get distract, the doubt starts to creep in. I suddenly feel like what I just wrote is the worst bunch of garbage ever. And then I stop writing. And then I feel defeated.

Fear and anxiety and hesitations and self doubt. All of these things destroy creativity. They squash all desire and self-reassurance. They knock the creativity right out of you. My problem is I do not know how to break through all of this.

I want to be a published author, and I don’t care how I do it. Self-published or with a publishing company, I just want to get my work out there. So it is incredibly frustrating to be staring at a blank piece of paper, thinking you’re not good enough.

Writer’s block is not always a lack of creativity or poor skills. A large part of this mental block is our own self doubt, or our feelings of worthlessness. It’s hard to break past these barriers, but it is just something that has to be done. Like finally plucking up the courage to post that first blog post, so must I not care that my writings might be utter crap, and just write.

I’ve had this idea eating away at me, and in my head I have the whole story plotted out from start to finish. I know every little detail. But when I go to write these words out, nothing comes. And what does is never as good as what was inside my head. Frustrated, I stop. Or I never begin. But I’m sticking with it this time, in slow little increments of a couple sentences every day. I’m not abandoning this idea, not this time.

So, fellow readers, bloggers, and writers, I have a question. No matter what your medium is (drawing, painting, writing, composing music), how do you deal with periods of creative block? What do you do to deal with it, to trudge through it, to overcome it and create something to be proud of? How do you combat the dreaded writer’s block?

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First Lesbian Wedding

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White table clothes, tiny glasses of pink champagne, mason jars of baby’s breath, and a table full of lesbian couples. All these things that surround me as I sit here, sipping blush wine and experiencing my first lesbian wedding.

Emily’s co-workers, two beautiful and wonderful women, took their first steps as wife and wife today. I felt blessed to be able to witness something I myself will be going through from the perspective as a bystander. It was absolutely amazing to watch their faces as they exchanged vows – how only a few of us can only be so lucky to have experienced a love like theirs.

Kat stood in all of her butch glory, in a black tux with a red bow tie, but I saw the softness in her eyes when her bride, Chrissy, descended the aisle in heavenly white.

To love a woman is a transcendent, spiritual experience. It is something that is hard to describe, but there is absolutely nothing better than waking up holding the soft body of a women. To see her face every day, the smile, the twinkle in her eyes, her laugh, the curves of her body, that nurturing yet fiery personality.

People wonder how a woman could love another woman, but women were meant to love, and how could you not love and admire your own gender the most?

Their wedding was a mixture of elegance, DIY beauty, and simple good hearted (somewhat drunken) fun. Their cake was beautiful…

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…and when you signed the guest book, you could dip your thumb in stamp ink and put your fingerprints onto a tree (representing a leaf) that Chrissy painted.

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Everyone was so beautiful, and not an ounce of prejudice could be found. It really was great, and I felt so lucky to have gotten to experience it.

I love Kat and Chrissy, and I only hope them love and happiness in their years to come as a married couple.

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Lesbian 101 – Lesson Two: Coming To Terms With Your Sexuality

This lesson is overdue. And for that, I apologize.

Recap of last lesson: Questioning your sexuality is a natural part of maturing as an individual. So, if you are thinking that you might be gay, it is absolutely nothing to panic over.

Onto Lesson Two: Coming To Terms With Your Sexuality.

There are a lot of opinions out there. Some will tell you what you are feeling is just a phase. Some will tell you that you are just second guessing yourself, and to let that idea go. Others will try to get you to believe that what they are saying is the truth.

Ignore them. Ignore them all. No one can tell you how to feel, who to love. The only person who can uncover the truth is yourself.

If you are struggling to come to terms with the fact that you might be gay, know that you are not alone. Many struggle with these exact issues. And there is a way to deal with it.

You need to spend some time to reevaluate yourself. Go somewhere quiet where you can be alone, and think. This is key! You need to think. Think about who you are, what makes you you. Remember all of the positive things about you, and know that no matter what your sexuality is, it does not determine your self-worth.

Having said that, you will need to do some intense thinking. Imagining yourself as both heterosexual and homosexual – ignore social norms and figure out which one feels more natural to you. When you imagine yourself kissing someone, is it always a girl? Do you find women attractive, and in more than just a physical way? Which gender makes your heart race and palms sweat more?

Homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, asexual, pansexual – they are all just labels used to describe types of love. Focus less on the labels and more on your feelings. How you feel is more important than how other people might label you.

Coming to terms with your sexuality takes time. It won’t happen over night. You’ll go through some emotions, very similar to the Five Stages of Grief. You’ll begin in denial (“No, I’m not gay. I can’t be.”), move through anger (“Why is this happening to me?”), bargaining (“Maybe if I experiment a little I’ll find out I’m not actually gay…”), depression (“I can’t believe I might be gay. My life is ruined.”), until finally you come to the most important stage: acceptance.

Accepting your sexuality (no matter what it is) is a profound experience. It’s this moment where your mind suddenly become crisp and clear. You stop, and realize that, yes, this is your sexuality and that it isn’t that bad. When you accept your sexuality, you will feel this huge weight lifted off of your shoulders. Suddenly, everything falls into place. All your problems have a source and all your feelings have a reason. Suddenly, you can’t stop smiling.

Acceptance of yourself is such a great feeling, it’s almost indescribable. Some people have always known that they were gay. It takes others a long time to come to terms with their own sexuality. No pace is wrong, or too slow. You have to take your time and really feel confident in yourself.

No one can tell you what to be. If you’re gay, you’re gay! You cannot decide to be gay or straight, you can only decide how and when you will accept your sexuality.

And when, and if, you accept your sexuality, it will feel amazing. Your confidence level will raise, and suddenly it will feel like you could conquer the world. You need to realize that you are never alone. Reaching out to others who have gone through this exact process can bring new light to your situation. Finding support forums on the internet or talking with someone you personally know and trust can help you muddle through all the useless stuff and help you find that acceptance.

Like everything in life, there are things you cannot change. You cannot change your sexuality, you can only change your reaction to it. If you choose to accept that you are gay (or straight, or bi, or whatever), it is a huge step in your growth as a person that needs to be celebrated.

Once you have accepted your sexuality, you need to congratulate yourself. Because you are one step closer to your next step: coming out.

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People Who Comment, Beware! (I’m a slow responder)

I literally just went through my comments and replied to peoples’ posts from months ago. MONTHS!

I suck at responding to people.

It takes me forever to respond to people who text me, let alone people who comment on my blog posts! I tell myself that I will respond to them later, and then life just gets in the way and I eventually forget.

So, if I have never responded to your comment, or do so weeks (or months) later, I apologize. It is not that I do not appreciate all my readers, life simple distracts me.

I just wanted to apologize for my flaws, bitches. But despite this, please, keep on reading, reviewing, and commenting! I do appreciate it 🙂

Wednesday Nights Are For Bowling (and making a fool of myself)

I am a total dork, and I am on a local bowling league. The ironic part of this: I don’t even bowl well.

Yup, I suck.

My girlfriend, Emily, asked me to join the league a year and a half ago. I am forever baffled as to why I agreed!

Her average is like 170, she bowls over a 150 each game, and she has bowled perfect games (300) in the past! She used to actually have a higher average (closer to 200) and could easily bowl 190 each game. After she got gastric bypass surgery and lost like 80lbs, she lost the strength she used to have. She had to get a lighter ball and change everything about her technique. But she’s getting back into her swing.

Any-who, I’m literally in the last spot on the league. I am a straight bowler (meaning my bowling ball has no hook, or curve) but the problem is I can’t even bowl straight (and certainly cannot hook my ball). My average used to hoover around 80.

We have this guy on our team (Richard) who is a good bowler. He doesn’t always bowl consistently, but I believe he has a super power. He has the amazing ability to watch you bowl and know exactly what you are doing wrong. During bowling, you always hear him telling people to move over two steps or move back a step. The amazing thing is that it actually works!

He’s been helping Emily find “her spot” again. And then, out of the blue, last night he stopped me and said “move over two boards” (boards are the little triangular markers on the lanes and the dots on the floor – they help indicate points of references). So I did, and it felt very strange. I was on the complete opposite side of the lane where I usually stand. I thought I was going to throw a gutter ball. I got up to the lane, took a deep breath, and let my ball go.

And amazingly, I did not get a gutter ball. I got a strike.

The tides have turned, my friends. My average is now a 96, and it’s only going up. I can actually bowl over 100 every game!

Wow, a whole blog post on bowling. Pathetic? Possibly.

The good news, bitches, is that bowling isn’t just about competition. It’s ridiculously fun, and it burns a lot of calories. A 150lb individual who does an hour of indoor lane bowling can burn an excess of 200 calories. I burn a lot more than 200, because I’m a Fatty McFatster.

(A good site to find out how many calories you can burn during an activity is http://www.caloriesperhour.com/index_burn.php. Just pick your activity, plug in your weight and the duration, and you’ll get how many calories you burned. I use this site religiously.)

So bowling is actually good for you! It’s not just an awkward first date affair.

And now you know how dorky I really am!

Fun Fact: Our team name is Dick and the Dykes. Dick is short for Richard and, well, the rest is explanatory. A little devilish fun within the church-going league.

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Enjoying The View (and apologizing for my absence)

Well, long-time no blog!

Another semester has started for this college student, I am still searching for a job, and life has certainly gotten into the way of my blogging.

For that, I apologize, my lovely readers.

Two real life followers have begged me, in person, that they desire more blog posts.

My hiatus is officially over, I guess.

Currently I am sitting in a rest stop along the NYS thruway, killing some time before a doctor’s appointment. I am sitting in the back booth in the food court area, people watching, and I am forever amazed by the amount of lesbians I see.

Now, I am a lesbian, so it shouldn’t come to a surprise to me that there are more of us out there. But I guess in my daily haunts, lesbians, besides myself and my girl and a few others, are few and far in-between. It always, without fail, brings a smile to my face whenever I see us lesbians out and about, strutting our gayness.

So here I am, just sitting in this booth looking like a lonely loser, when two lesbians sit across from me. One was clearly one of those “under the radar” girls, or lacking the stereotypical lesbians appearance. Hey, I’m not hating. I’m one of those.

Her partner had messy, spikey, faux-hawky hair, an androgynous body, and an eyebrow piercing. Clearly, she flies above the gaydar.

Now, I am no cheat. I am no lecherous fiend. But I like to admire beautiful women (*hem hem*). I also like my women dyke-y (which Emily is). I probably stared with my mouth open the whole time.

I’m a fucking dog.

I love my girl and I am not in the least bit contemplating leaving her. I want to marry her. But I have the wondering eyes problem. But so does Emily.

Anyway, I love women, and I love confident women. Confidence is so sexy. What I am more attracted to in butch women is not that they look like boys (typical stereotype that I hate!) but that they have this confidence, this swag – they rock the dyke look and they know it. That’s what I love.

I also use the word “dyke” in a completely affectionate way. My girl identifies as a dyke, hell, I even call myself a dyke. It’s one of those double standard words. It’s okay to use the word in lighthearted situations, but that word can also be used as an insult. Some are offended by that word. Not trying to offend anyone. I kind of want to take that word back, make it a positive word.

It’s a slow go, for sure.

I digress, like always. Points to remember form this post: I’m still alive and kicking, butch women are hot, and more lesbians need to go out in public more often. My friend base is mostly heterosexuals – where are all the gays in my city and why can I not find them?!

Maybe it’s just me.

Whatever. I’m back and blogging will become a daily thing for me again! I promise!!!

Alright, I gotta go drive 85 miles on the thruway just for a damn checkup. Peace bitches!

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Lesbian Terminology – “Hasbian”

Hasbian

noun

1. A woman who once identified herself as a lesbian

2. A woman who had, at one time, dating other woman or had been in one or many lesbian relationships, who is now in a heterosexual relationship.

Okay, just like LUG, there is controversy.

I believe there are two forms of hasbians.

The first form is a less offensive form. These are bisexual women who have had same-sex relationships in the past and are just exploring the opposite sex. They are not disregarding the lesbian aspect of bisexuality, they are just exploring the heterosexual side of it, and many people often mislabel them and their motives. I know a couple of these cases and none of them deny their lesbianism, because they identify as bi, and we all know that bisexuality means being sexually attracted to both sexes. So really, calling these individuals hasbians could be offensive to them.

More often than not, unfortunately, this term is used to describe a more offensive form.

This offensive form is a woman who once dated other woman, once identified as a lesbian, and then began dating men. And once involved in a heterosexual relationship, denies that she was ever a lesbian and sometimes even disses homosexuality. This is the type of hasbian that so many of us lesbians have problems with. We fight so hard to make people believe that being gay isn’t a choice, and someone like this comes along and makes us seem frivolous. These types of hasbians make it seem like lesbians can be converted to heterosexuals.

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Lesbian Terminology – “LWI” and “LUI”

(FYI, while the definition has been around for, well, forever, I have not been able to discover an actual name for it. So I made these up, essentially. Booyah, bitches!)

LWI

noun, action, title (?)

Acronym – “Lesbian While Intoxicated”

LUI

noun, action, title (I don’t know, grammar sucks ass)

Acronym – “Lesbian Under the Influence”

Both have the same definition:

1. A woman who is 100% hetero when sober, but under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol finds herself making out with girls or even going further.

We all have a straight friend who has committed a LWI or a LUI. They’ve been dating this guy for years. They are perfectly happy with their heterosexuality. They like dick. The next thing you know is you’re seeing photos of them from some party and they are making out with chicks left and right. And you’re staring at them, jaw unhinged, wondering when the fuck the apocalypse is going to start.

Yup, been there, done that.

It’s known that alcohol and drugs can loosen up even the most stuck up individual. So only natural that it makes some more open about sexuality in general. We all know alcohol makes you say and do things you wouldn’t if you were sober. Many, though, have repeating LWI/LUI offenses.

There are some explanations here. One is that the alcohol and/or drugs are making them feel pretty loose and wild and they’ll do anything while intoxicated (or do anything for attention, although not always the case). The other is that maybe they are closeted, and alcohol “brings out the truth”. Another is that these are bisexual women. This is less looked into though because substances that alter your mental state are involved, and many overlook things done under the influence because of this.

Personally, I don’t know how you can make-out with a girl one night and go back to men for the rest of your life. Then again, I am a lesbian, so I guess I’ll never understand.

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