Category Archives: Life

I’ve Been Outed!

Geez, look at the gaps between my posts! I haven’t been very consistent with my blogging, but I have an annoying friend that keeps me away from my computer – it’s called life. And sometimes, it sucks all my free time up. But I decided to take a break from school this semester, and I do not start until January. I am hoping this will help me increase my posts to maybe a weekly installment? (Hopefully)

Anyway, this summer has been very eventful. Though my new, full-time, doctor’s office job kept me from going on vacation this year, I almost didn’t need to get away this summer. A weight has been lifted off my shoulder.

My mother outed me.

At a funeral, no less!

I was visiting my childhood friend with Em, my fiancée, close by to where my parents live when I was informed my godfather had passed away. Which put me in a little bit of a predicament. I was supposed to be heading home. I had Em with me. My mother told me I could bring Em, which I found a little odd. Even though I have rectified my relationship with my parents (they even helped finance a car for me since mine died), I was bringing her into a situation where none of my other family members had any idea I was gay.

Well, my mother fixed that by outing me to the entire funeral parlor before I arrived. My brother, my uncles, my godmother, family friends…she told everyone! And then my father threatened anyone who had a problem with it.

At a damn funeral!

I have to say that I am very proud of my parents. They went from being very hesitant and kind of harsh to loving Em and supporting and protecting me. They almost brag about it sometimes to their friends. They have done a complete 180 and I don’t know what sparked it, but I am happy we have all settled on the same page.

Honestly, it feels much better this way. I feel like I can breathe again. They are actually excited when Em and I comes and visit. Soon, they will be moving closer to where we live, and they have already stated that they expect us to visit at least every other weekend for dinner. I mean, a complete change since when I started this blog. It was hell for a few years. And we all felt hurt by each other. But they have finally accepted me for who I am, and I am so happy they have!

So, if anyone else out there is struggling with someone who isn’t supportive of your orientation (like parents or friends), know that maybe all they need is time. Time to absorb things, process, and time to see that you aren’t a different person than what they’ve come to know, only that who you love might be viewed as unconventional.

But maybe they shouldn’t come to this realization while attending a funeral….

Seriously. Why couldn’t it have been at a BBQ or something more informal?!

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It Never Ceases To Amaze Me…

The audacity of some people!

I work in a doctor’s office, and I see a lot of crazy things. And I am always shocked. The flaws of society really show in a place like this.

Anyway, I was taking down information from a man to do a new patient appointment. His reason for leaving his old doctor’s office? His doctor retired and the hired a female doctor, and he doesn’t want to go to a female doctor, because he doesn’t “feel comfortable” and “doesn’t know how good of a doctor she is,” and “doesn’t really like women doctors.”

It took every ounce of self control not to say listen, buddy, she see’s so many guys’ junk, that yours isn’t going to make her react any differently. And, in fact, I bet she’s a brilliant doctor who doesn’t want a sexist patient like you, anyway.

This almost topped the man who threw his coat at me and told me to go hang it up and bring him a glass of water.

I really hate people. I really do.

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Softball Post #1 (2013)

Alabama’s Crimson Tide goes up against Southern Miss today. I wish it was televised, because I would have called in sick today. I just hope Alabama kicks some ass!!!

Roll Tide, Roll bitches!

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Again, and Again, and Again….

And on and on and on…

I keep saying I’m going to get back into posting, but I never do! But give me a break, I’m working full time plus going to school part time. Meaning I have NO time whatsoever!

Speaking of work, I am currently hunched over my keyboard at my desk, furiously typing away this post hoping my boss doesn’t walk in on me.

What? I’ve already finished my work for the morning!

Anyway, I really need to start blogging again. Since I dropped a class (I’m so scholarly), I’m hoping I can.

And plus, it’s college softball season. How can I not post about sitting around being a stereotypical lesbian, drinking beer while screaming at college girls in tight softball pants?! The correct answer is I cannot, therefore I will re-initiate my blog…again…for, like, the fifth time this year.

How much ya wanna bet I fall off the grid again?

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…Where’s My Hurricane?

Worse than Hurricane Irene.

Why did the papers release this headline? It made everyone in my county panic, after being devastated by Irene. People bought $1000 generators (Emily’s soon-to-be stepdad bought us an $800 one). Dozens of schools and businesses closed in anticipation for Sandy. Many people called into work and left town.

And for what? This:

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Oh my gosh, look at the damage – oh, wait…..

It was sunny Tuesday. It wasn’t raining. Hardly a leaf was out of place.

Worse than Irene?

Now, I’m not saying this storm didn’t cause billions of dollars of damage along the east coast. My hometown where my parents live experienced flooding and power outages. We all know that Manhattan experienced widespread damage from flooding like they’ve never seen. There is an island of the Jersey Shore that is currently on fire, and no emergency services can reach the island to put out the fire. Hundreds of lives were lost. The photos from Sandy’s damage is heart-wrenching.

No one could really get into our county when Irene hit. The bridges were impassible. People’s houses got washed away down to other counties. The street next to ours was lined with houses, and after Irene only a few stood. People lost property, livestock, and their lives were forever changed. There are still people living in FEMA trailers. And news coverage was very little until after the storm.

After Hurricane Irene in only a small part of the county:

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Now, in no way am I trying to diminish the effects of Hurricane Sandy. I know it is a storm that will go into the history books. It’s just that everyone here in the county are frustrated. Some people went to great lengths to prepare for a storm that would be worse than Irene. And all we got here was a shower and some wind.

It is very frustrating when you expect to get inundated with damage, and nothing happens. It’s frustrating when you cannot return your overly priced generator that went unused.

I know thousands of people lost their homes during Sandy, and I know hundreds of people lost their lives. My heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to everyone affect by Sandy.

But really? Not even a puddle to account for. It’s a good thing our county did not have a duplicate of Irene, but goddammit, it sure is frustrating. People have to understand that when you say something like “This hurricane is going to be worse than Hurricane Irene,” and nothing happens, you’re gonna have some pissed off people.

Well, at least I got out of college for a day.

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That Bitch, Sandy

Oh, Sandy.

Sandy, Sandy, Sandy.

You’re a feisty bitch, aren’t cha?

Currently, I am sitting inside my girlfriend, Emily’s, house, anxiously looking out the window, waiting for the storm to hit. For those who don’t know, Hurricane Sandy is on a path of destruction along the East Coast, and the Northeast is preparing for a hell of a week. The “Frankenstorm” – as it has been affectionately named – is supposed to be a mixture of tropical storm and Nor’estern. Which means not only will there be 60mph damaging winds and potential flooding, but there is the possibility for snow.

Snow. And it isn’t even Halloween yet.

In fact, Halloween might be cancelled due to this freak storm. And the local papers are predicting it to be worse than Hurricane Irene that hit New York last year.

Worse than Irene.

Everyone is panicking. There are long lines at gas stations no matter what time of day, making getting gas quite a chore. Batteries, gallons of water, flashlights, and generators are disappearing off store shelves faster than employees can stock them. People are leaving town, shelters are being established, and it feels like the end of the world. I’m thinking about building a boat, myself.

Emily’s house is in central New York, and was right in the middle of the flooding from Hurricane Irene. Her county was destroyed, but luckily her house survived. But people are still living in FEMA trailers; they have barely finished rebuilding. And now those devastated by the first storm are about to get hit twice as bad.

It’s frightening.

Her house is high enough up that if there was significant flooding (or the dam broke), the house wouldn’t even be close to the flood waters. But the only way in and out of her town is by bridges. So if the bridges are deemed impassable, we are literally stuck on an island, separated from civilization by the flood waters of Hurricane Sandy. We are debating whether to evacuate early or not, but we have so many animals that we don’t know where we’d go. And we’re not leaving them behind.

It’s not even raining here yet, but watching the videos from the places already being affected by Sandy makes my anxiety level rise. Emily and her mother both work at a hospital (although not in the emergency room), and it’s unlikely that the hospital will close even if they are under water. Which means that both of them have to go into work unless they want to sacrifice sick days/personal days/vacation days. Which, to me, seems ridiculous, because why would you want you’re employees risking their lives if they are not working in emergency services (Emily works in a doctor’s office within the hospital, and her mom works as an outpatient operating room RN).

So, since I have a Subaru Forester nicknamed “The Beast”, I am driving Emily to and from work just incase the weather gets out of hand. Which will be an adventure, certainly.

10:40am update: it has started raining.

Great.

Hopefully we will weather the storm safely, and my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who is currently in the eye of the storm. This is gonna be a bad one.

Sandy is proving to be one testy bitch.

I wonder if I can get WIFI on the arch I’m about to build?

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If Every Parent Was Like Sally Field….

We all know who Sally Field is…

She is a beautiful actress, singer, producer and director. Her works include The Flying Nun, Steel Magnolias, Forest Gump, and the tv show Brother’s and Sisters. She is recognizable not only as a talented woman, but a gay icon. But I don’t think anyone knew how important equal rights were to Sally Field until she announced that her youngest son, Sam, was gay.

If every parent was like Sally Field, this world would be a more accepting place. Here’s why:

Sally Field was the recent recipient of the Human Rights Campaign’s Ally for Equality Award. During her acceptance speech, she spoke in eloquence about how proud and how accepting she was of her son. She admonished parents of gay children that do not accept them, and hoped for a better future for LGBTQ rights.

Her words literally moved me to tears. How desperately I wished my own parents accepted me like she accepts her son. How I wished my coming out was a cause for celebration within my family, and not an event filled with tears and anger. How I wished, like Ms. Field, my parents understood my sexuality wasn’t a choice, just a happening of nature. According to Ms. Field, being a parent to a gay child is a blessing.

How I wish all parents could be like Sally Field. And I know I’m not the only one. But now we, the gay community, have another celebrity to look up to. And hopefully her words, and her actions, and the acceptance of her son will help other parents struggling to accept their own children for who they are.

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Trepidations About Writing

I always thought it would be so difficult to begin a blog. It took me forever to start one. I had been entertaining the idea ever since high school, but every time I signed up for a free blog space, I sat in front of a blank post, hesitant.

All these thoughts swirled around my head. Self doubt. They all said the same thing: You’re not good enough. My life was too boring to blog about. I had nothing profound to say. I wasn’t going to move mountains or change peoples’ lives. My writing was subpar.

All of these thoughts were poison, keeping me from doing something I so desperately wanted to do. I had fear – fear of rejection, of being mediocre, of failing.

I broke that fear by just writing. I just wrote, posted, and pushed back all the anxiety I was feeling at that time.

And it turned out great! I love blogging. It’s just another creative outlet of mine.

But I do have a secret agenda. I started blogging as a way to unblock my mind.

I am, first and foremost, an author (despite the fact I have no published works). Secondly, I am a blogger.

I have close to 60 stories saved on my computer’s hard drive. I have been carting some of them around with me from computer to computer since middle school. None are completed stories. Some of them are only ideas.

I have this problem. I start a story, but I never finish it. Why? It’s more than just writer’s block. It’s those thoughts – the ones that say I’m not good enough – that keep me from writing. It’s the fear that causes long periods of dry spells.

I get an idea that sparks me, creatively, and I begin to write. If I do not get distracted I can write for hours. But the moment I get distract, the doubt starts to creep in. I suddenly feel like what I just wrote is the worst bunch of garbage ever. And then I stop writing. And then I feel defeated.

Fear and anxiety and hesitations and self doubt. All of these things destroy creativity. They squash all desire and self-reassurance. They knock the creativity right out of you. My problem is I do not know how to break through all of this.

I want to be a published author, and I don’t care how I do it. Self-published or with a publishing company, I just want to get my work out there. So it is incredibly frustrating to be staring at a blank piece of paper, thinking you’re not good enough.

Writer’s block is not always a lack of creativity or poor skills. A large part of this mental block is our own self doubt, or our feelings of worthlessness. It’s hard to break past these barriers, but it is just something that has to be done. Like finally plucking up the courage to post that first blog post, so must I not care that my writings might be utter crap, and just write.

I’ve had this idea eating away at me, and in my head I have the whole story plotted out from start to finish. I know every little detail. But when I go to write these words out, nothing comes. And what does is never as good as what was inside my head. Frustrated, I stop. Or I never begin. But I’m sticking with it this time, in slow little increments of a couple sentences every day. I’m not abandoning this idea, not this time.

So, fellow readers, bloggers, and writers, I have a question. No matter what your medium is (drawing, painting, writing, composing music), how do you deal with periods of creative block? What do you do to deal with it, to trudge through it, to overcome it and create something to be proud of? How do you combat the dreaded writer’s block?

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First Lesbian Wedding

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White table clothes, tiny glasses of pink champagne, mason jars of baby’s breath, and a table full of lesbian couples. All these things that surround me as I sit here, sipping blush wine and experiencing my first lesbian wedding.

Emily’s co-workers, two beautiful and wonderful women, took their first steps as wife and wife today. I felt blessed to be able to witness something I myself will be going through from the perspective as a bystander. It was absolutely amazing to watch their faces as they exchanged vows – how only a few of us can only be so lucky to have experienced a love like theirs.

Kat stood in all of her butch glory, in a black tux with a red bow tie, but I saw the softness in her eyes when her bride, Chrissy, descended the aisle in heavenly white.

To love a woman is a transcendent, spiritual experience. It is something that is hard to describe, but there is absolutely nothing better than waking up holding the soft body of a women. To see her face every day, the smile, the twinkle in her eyes, her laugh, the curves of her body, that nurturing yet fiery personality.

People wonder how a woman could love another woman, but women were meant to love, and how could you not love and admire your own gender the most?

Their wedding was a mixture of elegance, DIY beauty, and simple good hearted (somewhat drunken) fun. Their cake was beautiful…

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…and when you signed the guest book, you could dip your thumb in stamp ink and put your fingerprints onto a tree (representing a leaf) that Chrissy painted.

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Everyone was so beautiful, and not an ounce of prejudice could be found. It really was great, and I felt so lucky to have gotten to experience it.

I love Kat and Chrissy, and I only hope them love and happiness in their years to come as a married couple.

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Wednesday Nights Are For Bowling (and making a fool of myself)

I am a total dork, and I am on a local bowling league. The ironic part of this: I don’t even bowl well.

Yup, I suck.

My girlfriend, Emily, asked me to join the league a year and a half ago. I am forever baffled as to why I agreed!

Her average is like 170, she bowls over a 150 each game, and she has bowled perfect games (300) in the past! She used to actually have a higher average (closer to 200) and could easily bowl 190 each game. After she got gastric bypass surgery and lost like 80lbs, she lost the strength she used to have. She had to get a lighter ball and change everything about her technique. But she’s getting back into her swing.

Any-who, I’m literally in the last spot on the league. I am a straight bowler (meaning my bowling ball has no hook, or curve) but the problem is I can’t even bowl straight (and certainly cannot hook my ball). My average used to hoover around 80.

We have this guy on our team (Richard) who is a good bowler. He doesn’t always bowl consistently, but I believe he has a super power. He has the amazing ability to watch you bowl and know exactly what you are doing wrong. During bowling, you always hear him telling people to move over two steps or move back a step. The amazing thing is that it actually works!

He’s been helping Emily find “her spot” again. And then, out of the blue, last night he stopped me and said “move over two boards” (boards are the little triangular markers on the lanes and the dots on the floor – they help indicate points of references). So I did, and it felt very strange. I was on the complete opposite side of the lane where I usually stand. I thought I was going to throw a gutter ball. I got up to the lane, took a deep breath, and let my ball go.

And amazingly, I did not get a gutter ball. I got a strike.

The tides have turned, my friends. My average is now a 96, and it’s only going up. I can actually bowl over 100 every game!

Wow, a whole blog post on bowling. Pathetic? Possibly.

The good news, bitches, is that bowling isn’t just about competition. It’s ridiculously fun, and it burns a lot of calories. A 150lb individual who does an hour of indoor lane bowling can burn an excess of 200 calories. I burn a lot more than 200, because I’m a Fatty McFatster.

(A good site to find out how many calories you can burn during an activity is http://www.caloriesperhour.com/index_burn.php. Just pick your activity, plug in your weight and the duration, and you’ll get how many calories you burned. I use this site religiously.)

So bowling is actually good for you! It’s not just an awkward first date affair.

And now you know how dorky I really am!

Fun Fact: Our team name is Dick and the Dykes. Dick is short for Richard and, well, the rest is explanatory. A little devilish fun within the church-going league.

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