Wednesday Nights Are For Bowling (and making a fool of myself)

I am a total dork, and I am on a local bowling league. The ironic part of this: I don’t even bowl well.

Yup, I suck.

My girlfriend, Emily, asked me to join the league a year and a half ago. I am forever baffled as to why I agreed!

Her average is like 170, she bowls over a 150 each game, and she has bowled perfect games (300) in the past! She used to actually have a higher average (closer to 200) and could easily bowl 190 each game. After she got gastric bypass surgery and lost like 80lbs, she lost the strength she used to have. She had to get a lighter ball and change everything about her technique. But she’s getting back into her swing.

Any-who, I’m literally in the last spot on the league. I am a straight bowler (meaning my bowling ball has no hook, or curve) but the problem is I can’t even bowl straight (and certainly cannot hook my ball). My average used to hoover around 80.

We have this guy on our team (Richard) who is a good bowler. He doesn’t always bowl consistently, but I believe he has a super power. He has the amazing ability to watch you bowl and know exactly what you are doing wrong. During bowling, you always hear him telling people to move over two steps or move back a step. The amazing thing is that it actually works!

He’s been helping Emily find “her spot” again. And then, out of the blue, last night he stopped me and said “move over two boards” (boards are the little triangular markers on the lanes and the dots on the floor – they help indicate points of references). So I did, and it felt very strange. I was on the complete opposite side of the lane where I usually stand. I thought I was going to throw a gutter ball. I got up to the lane, took a deep breath, and let my ball go.

And amazingly, I did not get a gutter ball. I got a strike.

The tides have turned, my friends. My average is now a 96, and it’s only going up. I can actually bowl over 100 every game!

Wow, a whole blog post on bowling. Pathetic? Possibly.

The good news, bitches, is that bowling isn’t just about competition. It’s ridiculously fun, and it burns a lot of calories. A 150lb individual who does an hour of indoor lane bowling can burn an excess of 200 calories. I burn a lot more than 200, because I’m a Fatty McFatster.

(A good site to find out how many calories you can burn during an activity is Just pick your activity, plug in your weight and the duration, and you’ll get how many calories you burned. I use this site religiously.)

So bowling is actually good for you! It’s not just an awkward first date affair.

And now you know how dorky I really am!

Fun Fact: Our team name is Dick and the Dykes. Dick is short for Richard and, well, the rest is explanatory. A little devilish fun within the church-going league.

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One thought on “Wednesday Nights Are For Bowling (and making a fool of myself)

  1. 2cagedbirds says:

    I love bowling!! My average is definitely closer to yours, but it’s still a blast!

    It’s good to have you back!

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